If you suspect that a friend or family member is in an abusive relationship, remember that even though it is hard to see someone you care about get hurt, it is not up to you to rescue your friend. It is up to her whether or not she wants to leave.
All you can do is let them know they have your support and that there are options to leave the relationship if they choose to do so. If she decides to leave you can offer support and help her find a way to safety.
Here is how you can help:
Offer support without judgment or criticism. There are many reasons why a victim may stay in an abusive relationship and many reasons why she may leave and return to the relationship many times.
- Respect her decisions, even when you disagree.
- Do not criticize or make her feel guilty.
- Always remember that she needs you to be helpful, not hurtful.
- Let her know that she can talk to you about anything
Also that,
- She is not alone.
- You care and are there for her, no matter what.
- She is not responsible for his behavior.
- She is in a very dangerous situation.
- She did nothing to deserve this.
- You are concerned for her safety.
- That you want to help.
Good husbands and partners don’t say or do those kinds of things. Men should never hit or threaten the women they love. Saying statements such as “I’m worried about your safety, and I’m afraid he’ll really hurt you next time” or “Promise me that you’ll come to me if you need to talk” can help a victim to feel supported.
Avoid confrontations. There are many reasons why individuals experiencing abuse don’t reach out to family and friends. It’s important to recognize if she is ready to talk about her experiences while offering support. Statements such as “I’m here to help and always available, even if you don’t want to discuss it” and “Remember, I am here for you when you’re ready to talk” can be helpful.
Don’t try to make any decisions for your friend because it implies that you think she’s incapable of making good choices for herself, and it may deter her from confiding in you in the future. Instead, focus on offering support and encouragement. Ask the question: “What can I do to support you?”.
Suggest ways she can get additional support, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline number (800-799-SAFE) or a local domestic violence agency with trained advocates to help her.
Encourage her to get help.
Suggest ways she can get additional support, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline number (800-799-SAFE) or a local domestic violence agency with trained advocates to help her.
Providing information such as: “Here is the number to our local domestic violence agency. They can help provide shelter, counseling, and support groups. They can also help you understand the legal system, access community sources, relocate, or get support for her children and pets”. In north Pinellas County RCS the number is (727-442-4128). In south Pinellas County CASA the number is (727-895-4912).
Develop a safety plan.
Let them know if they need to go to the police, retain a lawyer, or go to court, you’ll go with them to offer support.
Most importantly, if safety becomes a concern, call 911 immediately!
National statistics show that domestic violence primarily impacts women. Feminine pronouns are used in this document when referring to victims of domestic violence, and masculine pronouns are used in this document when referring to perpetrators.
However, we recognize that sometimes the perpetrator can be female while the victim will be male and that domestic violence also happens in same-sex relationships as well.
Again, if you suspect that a friend or family member is in an abusive relationship, it is up to them whether or not they want to leave. All you can do is let them know they have your support and that there are options to leave the relationship if they choose to do so. Tampa Bay Monitoring can offer resources and information.
